Saturday, 15 May 2010.
失去了才知道拥有的珍贵。

I was bloghopping and I happened to see this video. Yeah it's Super Junior. I haven't been following them for like 6 months ... The latest news I read about was the Hankyung and SM case. After which, I totally stopped.

When I saw the video, when I saw Siwon's face( who happened to appeared first on the video), the feeling came back. The undescripable feeling. I still remembered how I used to go crazy over Teuk and almost the 13 of them, even though Kangin and Kibum went M.I.A for almost the whole year.

Surprisingly, I still remembered all of them. I started to pause and count the number of people in the video. 10. Feeling uneasy, I played and paused again. Still , 10. I played and paused yet AGAIN. 10.

I don't know why but there's this sinking feeling. Undescriaple. Then I started to think. Kangin, Kibum, Hankyung. Missing. ): What is this man ... what's SuJu without the whole 13 of them, it's so sad ... ): I know I have been seeing only 11 last year, but somehow, in one way or another, it's just ... disheartening.

Had enough of today.
Posted by P.Yuhuiz. on 10:31 pm

Thursday, 13 May 2010.
读死都没有用

My exams over. My MidYear Examinations 2010 is over ... and I screwed it upside down.



I just completed my Amath paper just now ... and it was the worst paper done. When my paper was handed up, I told myself not to discuss the answer. I told myself NOT TO. But after hearing my friends discuss, I cannot help but hear. All my answers were different from them . So so so .. difference. My heart sank instantly. INSTANTLY. Felt like breaking down and just cry. Still remembered my clique feeling really happy that they got some answers right, while me, all my answers don't match at all. NONE, NONE, NONE. Do you know the feeling? I've screwed my Emath up. I wanted to do well for my Amath. But what happened in the end? Potential F9. Of all tests and exams, I'm gonna get one in my Mid Year Examinations. I know it's no point crying over split milk, but I can't help but to break down and cry when I reach home.

I remembered what I once said. Amath was easier than Emath. I practiced, practiced and practiced. But I still ended up with these shit results and disappointments.

But who am I to blame anyone. I chose this road. I chose to enter double science class. I chose to took pure sciences and double math. I thought I'd be able to carry all these responsibilities. All these stress. But I was wrong. I was hell wrong. It's less than 6 months, and I'm already dying from my countless commitments in SC, YGSP and NPCC. Not to forget, a latge part from academics. Yes, I had chemical car competition preparation. I only started revision less than one week before Mid Years'. I gave in extra effort due to my detoriating results. I gave my effort. I gave everything. I sacrificed my sleep, and I went crazy over drawing tangents and memorizing all the body organs. I felt like really fainty during the examinations period, and I pressurized myself to press on, convincing myself that everything's gonna be over soon. I felt really stressed, but I pressed on because I thought I can get desired results. But reality had proven me. I'm a sucker and I'm never gonna make it in life no matter how hard I try. Even if I give in triple of what other people give in, I can still never meet their standards.

I'm a failure. A true failure. Everything seems so bleak.

I've lost my sense of direction. I feel like giving up my academics. I can't even realise my expectations, what more think about being a biochemist in the future.

Exam's over, but I'm not in the least happy.
Posted by P.Yuhuiz. on 10:42 am

Saturday, 1 May 2010.
Goodluckpeeps.

Good luck in your Mid Year Examinations everyone (:

I have already started my mass revision but I'm slowww. Have you ? Yes I know most of you have :) .

Mid Year's starting in less 3 days time, and the first paper happens to be Chinese ! Guess what? I haven't even start -.-

--

Dear God, please make everything okay for her :) . Please do not clash her camp with her trip to A, like how my chance and hope to travel to D is already destroyed due to SYF. :( . Give the best for her, and do not make her emotional, pleaseee !

Posted by P.Yuhuiz. on 7:17 pm