Saturday, 7 August 2010.
Out of boredom.

Not like other times, I'm actually feeling very bored right now. I'm currently lying on my bed, updating this dead and poor blog of mine, with a spoilt "D" button on my laptop, and downloading "Maplestory" at the same time (Okay you can imagine how bored I'm really am now). But I'm treasuring this moment of boredom 'cause it beats studying and working and everything. I do have things to do, but since I'm given tghis four days break, I think I should take a great rest first before starting my work. I seriously need to replenish all my energy lost for the past 4 weeks of NDP, I-don't-know-how-many weeks of SYFOC training, my upcoming YOG, and events (?).

For the past 2 months, many things, and I mean, really much things had set me thinking about stuffs. Academics, commitments, friendship, relationships, emotions. Sometimes I really want to pour what I'm thinking to my blog (sometimes private), but I simply can't find time. Now, since 4 days of break is given after my parade, why not?

I'm gonna recall my 2 months thoughts. If you hate me, if you're sensitive, if you're those kind who just can't stand how emotional/ mushy/ gross I can get, I warn you to close this window now. I am who I am, and your words wouldn't affect me as much as the past anymore.

As expected, my academics aren't as perfect as the past anymore. My Chinese had a sharp drop from A1 to B4 -.- I hardly have the time to study properly sometimes. Worse still, I can still laugh when I see a 61/100 for my recent Chinese test.Haha what a joke. I wasn't like this in the past. A B4 affects me a lot in the past. Now ...

Then thinking, why do I have to stay so committed to some things when I can choose to let go. Sometimes, clinging on to things, people you shouldn't makes you disappointed and upset at times. So I begin to ask myself. Why was there a drastic change in my commitment towards everything when I entered Secondary school life? Primary school life was carefree. I didn't really bothered about what I had in my hands. The only thing that bothered me the most when I was in Primary school was the limit of my freedom.

Maybe it isn't about being being committed that affects me. Maybe it's the process that make me really feel like giving up at times. I don't mind commitment taking up all my time and effort. But sometimes, the way thing are planned are really screwed up. Sometimes you have to take the responsibility of others when it isn't your job, and somehow others get your responsibility. Doing others' part, yet get maligned for not doing his/her work properly, is it worth it? & others gets your responsibility of out a sudden.

Sometimes, the world is really corrupted.

But still, I'm a coward to let go. Achievements earned may not be glorious, but getting something out of committing yourself to something, the feeling is really great.

As for friendships, when you know someone isn't worth your fight from the start, don't bother to start this. Given two choices: Having many friends around you but know someday they going to leave your side because of attitude that simply can't fit, being lonely and saving the heartache of losing someone whom you once held dear. The answer is pretty obvious isn't it ...

Sometimes being alone isn't a bad thing. Learn how to be independent, and life can still go on. Life will turn better, there's no point remembering things in the past which aren't worth remembering.

For now, I'm glad that sister is around to support me and give me the happiness I want. You know what I wanna say sis, *hugs*

Relationship wise, I only have one sentence to say: Boys with the same age as girls can never understand what the girl truly wants. Now, let's wait for them to mature.

&, Girls' feelings aren't meant to be toyed with.

I'm lazy to continue typing, moreover, I don't know what to type.

Many things had set me thinking and reflecting about myself, and conclusion : I've grown into a stronger, more independent and more optismitic girl. Now I'd give in my best for everything I do until stepping down from everything 7 to 8 months later. Hopefully, I'll bear to let go.

Till there, today is my off day (after so long. Ciaoz everyone :)
Posted by P.Yuhuiz. on 12:19 pm