Sunday, 29 August 2010.

Posted by P.Yuhuiz. on 8:45 pm

Saturday, 28 August 2010.
想要得到，就努力去争取，不要因为自己不努力而争取不到，就样样都怪在我头上。

I should be working hard right now, for my EndofYear. But, I'm just too lazy. :(

Woah, seriously lor, see all my thick thick notes ah ... *dies miserably*

I feel like stuffing fastfood inside my mouth now.

I feel so random typing all these crap.

Haha, okay, I should rush my Teachers' Day momento now and practice Amath proving with made me vomit blood 2 nights before.

Okay, byebyezxc.

---
I'm stillllllll so lazy to do my momentos la seriously!

Was stalking a lot of people's blog and found out so much love/bestfriends dedication! & LimChuXuan most pro love story. HAHAHA !

So now, it's my turn right? My bestfriend story though, I don't want love story ~

Haha hiding for 257 days, I've finally decided to disclose this friendship ~ I mean, also no point hiding right, since so many already know, including the ones who are not supposed to know. Ha, everyone somehow took the fact rather calmly, so I see no fault revealing. :)

I wanted to post a picture of us here, but laughs, I found out we have no picture, sad max. :( 'Cause she's camera-shy :) So I shall show this cute picture:



Haha, joke!

Okay, I shall get serious now.

On 151209, she came for my December training. Initially, she was just my instructor, and I was just a cadet to her. Other than imparting knowledge to us, she was yeah, just a normal instructor to me. & I was still a cadet who's still reluctant to go training and destroy the field by pegging and pegging.

Then, during promotion test (campcraft lashing), I was showing attitude because I didn't know a single thing (Was missing for that particular training for chalet LOL). She was like "Okay everyone, tie diagonal lashing." I was stuck obviously. I was being a bitch and kept on showing attitude to her. & she showed me that face ! Ya that face you know (!!) , then ignore me (Sister, you best.) Feeling pekchek, I gave a super high class lashing. Haha, still remember her face when she said : "At least still got effort marks ma ..." Haha okay I suck :)

Another random stuff: Screwed up my knots test too ! Name 5 uses of every single knot :D I only knew 2 purpose of thumb knot. THAT'S ALL haha :)

Back to the topic:

Next incident, 2009 Annual Camp. Before heading to school to get ourselves slaughtered, we had lunch and Afiq gave everyone a chocolate bread. I was SOOOO full so I just hid it DEEP inside my bag (AND IT'S REALLY DEEP! Can't even see okay!) Headed to school, and bag inspection. :)
I was told by a panda to open my bag. After I opened my bag, showing only a shower bag, towel and a pouch (filled with girls' stuff) from the top. My panda was like, "What's that?" *Points to somewhere, don't know where* Following her finger, I took out my pouch, asking: "This?"
Her - "No, that." *Points nearer* To my surprise, she was actually pointing to that SMALL CORNER of that chocolate bread's wrapper. & if I didn't remove my pouch, I swear you practically can see no sign of that bread.
Reluctantly, I pulled out the partially squashed bread, and smiled to her :) She was all like , "WHY YOU BRING THAT ?!" *Body shaking as she laughs*
Me - *Points to Afiq* "He gimme one !"
Panda - "You better throw it away, or eat it now. "
Me - "NOW ?!"
Panda - "Yeah."
Me - *Gives the face and throws bread to Afiq who distributed the bread to everyone."

See, we have telepathy ! She knows what's inside my bag and caught ONLY caught me (-.-) red-handed although some others' bag also have chocolate bread ! Hahaha ~ Memories.

After the camp, headed on the morning campcraft trainings and afternoon fancy drills training. I still remember she was teaching us how to peg. Panda :" So, you must make sure your left feet is (at that position, don't know how to call it). I'm a left hander, so I put my right leg there. Use one hand to hold on to the peg, and another one to hold the hammering peg. Then hit." *PIANG PIANG PIANG, oh no, can't go down anymore* "Now, the peg can't go down. I think there's a rock below." I still remember vividly that I was laughing after that for no reason HAHAHAH !!!

Next, she was the one who teached Yingtian, Fiona and I flagstuff together with Terence Sir. Esther Ma'am got control of the tentage people. Haha ~

I think that was around the period which I began to stalk her on Facebook hahaha ! Yeah, I'm pro ! Found her Facebook but didn't add her though. Waited until 311210 came and added her, 'cause I thought training ENDED. But it didn't ._.

For some reasons she can't add me, and she sent me a message on Facebook that she added me on MSN instead. Haha :) The Facebook message conversation was DAMN funny ! I just read it and was laughing to myself like some dumb freak ._. hahaha ~

We talked to each other on MSN, and secretly, I onlined every night just to talk to her. Haha (okay, lesbian-ness side of me all come out already :D) Soon, she wanted my number because she wanted to pass me my birthday present (which was nearing). On the 4th, we meet for like 3 minutes and she passed me my present. Adam Khoo book, pink rabbit and green letter ! I mean, would you go to that extent when you knew someone for less than 5 days ? She did ~ and lifted up my mood a whole lotttt ! Huhuhu ~ Since we exchanged number, we texted each other till now. Yeah, 257 days :>

Random again : I had my greatest birthday ever in 2010, serious. Surprise from panda, and another from Esther Ma'am was really unexpected :>

First outing to National Dental Center on my official birthday, 6th January 2010. I still remembered she specially came down to YewTee and accompanied me to Outram Park :O. Staring at my Emath textbook (indices) flabbergasted, she offered to for my homework for me. At Outram Park do, on bus also do ! I was like 0.0 ~ Haha, cute lazy panda of mine. Anyway, I still have your masterpiece with me inside my general file, panda! Hahaha :)
Dinner at LotOne aftermath. Pepperlunch-ed halfway and saw her favourite teacher in the coffeeshop, haha :)

After such a long description, have you all guessed who is it?

Yes, none other than my dearest Irene Leong Shu Yun :)

Dearest sister,

I just wanna thank you for being my sole motivator, my sole support for 8 months. :) You've changed my life dramatically, always the first one there whenever I break down and whenever I have problems. Being 4 years older, you always try your best to help me in all areas, be it studies and gaining experiences. (although always get rejected by me whenever you offer to help haha).

I still remembered how you always cried everynight in the first few months when I knew you. How you always complain to me that you want to go back to your 17 year old life. I stilled remember 9th January 2010, the night that you shared about your dispirited and spoilt childhood, and also the night when I started my birthday present to you.

It cheers me up how you have moved on ( a little though. But, still an improvement) and no longer cry every night whenever you think of your childhood and past times. You don't deserve this type of life, this type of tormenting childhood. :) You DEFINITELY deserve better. :) Sometimes, you make me reflect so much that unknowingly, become a better person. Every time when I get emotional over stuffs like broken friendship, unsatisfactory results, all I have to do is to think of you ... Think how fortunate I am as compared to you. How fortunate I am to have you there to cheer me up :)

Now, just carry on life with me and stop being emotional okayyyy :) 'Cause even if the whole world walks out, I'd be the dumbest one to walk in, stubborn enough to stay, and foolish enough not to leave. :) Smile ah, my panda :)

Your Panda :)

Haha okay, very mushy right (100% lesbianness ) Haha ! Okay la, not happy can don't read one you know :>

Huhu, I should go now, do momento !!!!!!!! Bye ~ I feel like eating McDonalds ._.
Posted by P.Yuhuiz. on 11:23 am

Thursday, 12 August 2010.
Entangled.

What is happiness? Being with someone you love the most? Achieving the greatest things in life? Doing your favourite things? Surprises? Constant care from friends around you? Your other half? Memories?

Everyone has their own happiness. When I'm happy, I create a lively atmosphere around me, making everyone around me too. But when I'm not, ...

My happiness? When I'm with my sister. When my sister is happy with me. When my sister gets protective over me. When people around me can accept me for who I am. When people mind their words. When people stop throwing promises around like rubbish. Surprises. When my family is safe and sound (Yes I agree I hate them sometimes). When others can really fathom my feelings, and not make a joke out of it.

I believe that everyone wants and likes to be happy, not caring whether it last. That moment of pleasure is worth everything (well, at least to me).

But to me, being happy isn't the best sometimes ... Especially times like now. Sometimes I'd feel insecure when I'm happy; I'm afraid that I'd lose any source of my happiness one day. Just imagine, you lose your bestfriend. Then even your friends leave you. Get that feeling? I hate that, I really hate that.

--
I don't know what's happening. It affected me really very much this time round. Yes, it's just a small misunderstanding, yet, I feel as though my heart and mind had been deeply stabbed by a really sharp knife.

这次就像一把尖尖的刀，一刀一刀地往我胸口刺...这刺刺的伤，真的好痛，好痛...

Continues on private blog.
Posted by P.Yuhuiz. on 8:43 pm

Monday, 9 August 2010.
Thoughts.

It's National Day ! Happy birthday Singapore ! May you prosper :)

It's National Day, which means I'm only left with one more day to get Biology Chapter 8 and 9 into my head ! This is just so dumb -_- One chapter can already kill me slowly, imagine two ! & I seriously can't imagine how 23 chapters is going to kill me when Olevel draws nearer, huhhuh.

Just 3 days and I'm already in the holiday mood .. I don't want to go back to school ! *DREADZXC*

This is sooooo random. I should start revising my wordy Biology textbook !



*Faints*
Okay bye, I will be back ... once I'm free. Wahahahaha. -_-



I miss you like how my Merly misses it's Lyo and how my "friends" misses it's "best".
Posted by P.Yuhuiz. on 11:00 am

Saturday, 7 August 2010.
070810;

I can't believe what happened earlier on.

I'm currently sitting in my quiet living room, hearing my ceiling stir, letting my thoughts run with a messy pile of Social Studies notes scattered all over my table. Admist everything, I still can't believe that I cried like 15 minutes ago, and that crying moment was totally random.

Having a fulfilling dinner with plain soup (accompanied with stir-fried bittergour with no egg), I feel rather ... okay. Texted my Panda sister, played Angry Birds on my brother's iTouch, and bathed. Then suddenly, I remembered that Biology's Individual Project assignment is due after my 4 days holiday. What a mood spoiler. Took it out, and placed it back into my orange file, trying to convince myself that's there enough time tomorrow. then I slowly recalled: Wow, Biology test and Amath Trigo test (I don't know when !) after my holiday too. Joke of the day.

I spent my entire day packing all my subject files, and my general file feel so light now *delighted*.

Went on to Social Studies. I realised I haven't copy my notes from Lynn when I was away for SYFOC training. Copying and copying and texting Panda (who was entertaining her just-given-birth boss) ... Suddenly it came. Moodswings. It was totally random, I've never expected it to come. Checking the time; 2154.
Panda: "What you doing wor?"
Me: "SS notes lor ... Going to die already."
Panda: "Haha :).. Ok jiayou! You sleep I pig." ("You sleep I pig" means, I'll wait for you to finish your work and we'll sleep at the same time.)

Feeling moody, I plugged earpiece into my ears, playing "感动天感动地”. My moodswings turned worse. With desperate measures ...

Me: "Idk why but I wanna wait for my father to come back ley .. 2 plus ... Haha you go sleep first bah .."

After several minutes, she didn't reply anymore. Hopefully she's sleeping soundly, dreaming of her Boss or her favourite past times ...

Then it came. While listening to songs I broke down and tears just gushed out. Reasons : I don't know. Feelings were pretty entangled earlier on, and after drying all my tears, I controlled my emotions ... & I'm feeling much better now.

How random can I get at times huh. Needa find ways to block those scary monsters from haunting my mind ...

I know this post is random but ... Let me cool down more before heading back to Social Studies.

Sorry panda, it was a lie to tell you that I was going to stay up till 2. But I know how scary your mood can swing especially when I started moodswinging. Sorry, tomorrow will be a better day !
Posted by P.Yuhuiz. on 11:01 pm

Not like other times, I'm actually feeling very bored right now. I'm currently lying on my bed, updating this dead and poor blog of mine, with a spoilt "D" button on my laptop, and downloading "Maplestory" at the same time (Okay you can imagine how bored I'm really am now). But I'm treasuring this moment of boredom 'cause it beats studying and working and everything. I do have things to do, but since I'm given tghis four days break, I think I should take a great rest first before starting my work. I seriously need to replenish all my energy lost for the past 4 weeks of NDP, I-don't-know-how-many weeks of SYFOC training, my upcoming YOG, and events (?).

For the past 2 months, many things, and I mean, really much things had set me thinking about stuffs. Academics, commitments, friendship, relationships, emotions. Sometimes I really want to pour what I'm thinking to my blog (sometimes private), but I simply can't find time. Now, since 4 days of break is given after my parade, why not?

I'm gonna recall my 2 months thoughts. If you hate me, if you're sensitive, if you're those kind who just can't stand how emotional/ mushy/ gross I can get, I warn you to close this window now. I am who I am, and your words wouldn't affect me as much as the past anymore.

As expected, my academics aren't as perfect as the past anymore. My Chinese had a sharp drop from A1 to B4 -.- I hardly have the time to study properly sometimes. Worse still, I can still laugh when I see a 61/100 for my recent Chinese test.Haha what a joke. I wasn't like this in the past. A B4 affects me a lot in the past. Now ...

Then thinking, why do I have to stay so committed to some things when I can choose to let go. Sometimes, clinging on to things, people you shouldn't makes you disappointed and upset at times. So I begin to ask myself. Why was there a drastic change in my commitment towards everything when I entered Secondary school life? Primary school life was carefree. I didn't really bothered about what I had in my hands. The only thing that bothered me the most when I was in Primary school was the limit of my freedom.

Maybe it isn't about being being committed that affects me. Maybe it's the process that make me really feel like giving up at times. I don't mind commitment taking up all my time and effort. But sometimes, the way thing are planned are really screwed up. Sometimes you have to take the responsibility of others when it isn't your job, and somehow others get your responsibility. Doing others' part, yet get maligned for not doing his/her work properly, is it worth it? & others gets your responsibility of out a sudden.

Sometimes, the world is really corrupted.

But still, I'm a coward to let go. Achievements earned may not be glorious, but getting something out of committing yourself to something, the feeling is really great.

As for friendships, when you know someone isn't worth your fight from the start, don't bother to start this. Given two choices: Having many friends around you but know someday they going to leave your side because of attitude that simply can't fit, being lonely and saving the heartache of losing someone whom you once held dear. The answer is pretty obvious isn't it ...

Sometimes being alone isn't a bad thing. Learn how to be independent, and life can still go on. Life will turn better, there's no point remembering things in the past which aren't worth remembering.

For now, I'm glad that sister is around to support me and give me the happiness I want. You know what I wanna say sis, *hugs*

Relationship wise, I only have one sentence to say: Boys with the same age as girls can never understand what the girl truly wants. Now, let's wait for them to mature.

&, Girls' feelings aren't meant to be toyed with.

I'm lazy to continue typing, moreover, I don't know what to type.

Many things had set me thinking and reflecting about myself, and conclusion : I've grown into a stronger, more independent and more optismitic girl. Now I'd give in my best for everything I do until stepping down from everything 7 to 8 months later. Hopefully, I'll bear to let go.

Till there, today is my off day (after so long. Ciaoz everyone :)
Posted by P.Yuhuiz. on 12:19 pm