Sacrifices at no limits.

Monday, 20 October 2008.

Sometimes I really don't understand you. Why the fuck(I rarely use fuck,or at least, I don't spell the whole thing out.) did you disallow me to go? What the fuck & hell did I do?

Why are you like this? I'm in high spirits about today, thinking that I could finally relax and take a break at Sentosa from the exams, but what the fuck did you do? You cancelled the whole Sentosa trip and made me feel like a loser wherever I go.

I cried the whole night through, I didn't even have a single minute of sleep. But did you even fucking care? NO. What kind of parenting are you giving to me? I'm already 13, I'm not a fucking 3 year old kid! I need my freedom. What did you cater to it? No. You may buy things for me, but do you think these are all the only things I want. Let me tell you : No. I want my freedom. I need my friends.I need support.

My senior may had made me angry once ( okay, let's not hide it anymore, it's Huiting.[p/s Huiting: I hope you don't mind D:]). But at least, I still can feel her moral support. We may have only smiled when we see each other. We may not talk to each other. I want to scold her till I feel good, but you know what? All the memories she had left me, makes me hesitate when I want to scold her, & gradually, I don't scold her at all.
She had left me a piece of wonderful memories.
But what did you left?
A bunch of unwanted memory of naggings, scoldings, preventing-me-from-studying.

Huiting makes me laugh.
Huiting makes me happy.
Huiting cater to what I want till her best limit.
You make me sad.
You make me angry.
You make me get happy for nothing.
You don't even fucking care about me.
You don't cater to what I want.
You love my brother more than me.
You are not even fucking happy when I told you I got 2nd in class.
You don't even console me.
You treat me like junk, rubbish, a piece of litter where you throw into rubbish bins.

You have left me pieces and pieces of unwated memories throughout the whole 13 years I had been with you.
Huiting left me pieces of wonderful memories throughout the whole 7 months she had been with me.
What's the fucking difference?
I may have known Huiting for only merely 7 months, but the memories she had made me accumulated are more than yours.
I may still want to scold her like mad now, but those memories are stopping me. But when you scold me, I wouldn't even fucking hesitate to talk back.

*Sighs*
To me,
you don't make a very good mother at all.
At least Daddy makes wonderful remarks when I told him my results.
He says : "Very good, keep it up."
I'm super proud to have a father like him.

When I always see parents beaming with pride upon receiving their children's results, I can't deny that I'm jealous of them.
They get all the parents' support they want, I have none.
At least, the top 50 in level do have their parents support,so they can do well ( or at least, they don't stop them from studying).
I have no parents' support.
I struggled like mad to get the results I want.
I have seniors' problem, I may have friends' problems too, but I still carried on and do my best.
& guess what? I'm happy with my results. I want to see you beaming with pride, not to continue saying ridiculous things to make me feel so bad.

I may have broke down with I got my Science results. But did you console me? No.
It was my buddy, my friends, my senior who consoled me , saying that : "At least you have done your best."
Did you console me?
No.
You said : "See, read until like siaozhabor, in the end achieve what thing? Quit studying la, quit la."
Fuck.
I can truly imagine myself being a road sweeper when I grow up, & still has to support my parents when I can barely support myself properly.

Oh fuck.
I don't want to say about you anymore. ou had hurt me. Sooner or later, I will leave this house. Believe me, I would.

;& Believe me, I would.

Posted by P.Yuhuiz. on 8:52 am

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